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Nonduality Highlights: Issue #4004, Sunday, September 5, 2010, Editor: Mark
Forgivness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel
that has crushed it.
- Mark Twain (Thanks, Kath!)
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the
strong.
- Mahatma Gandhi
True forgiveness is not an action after the fact, it is an
attitude with which you enter each moment.
- David Ridge
When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that
person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than
steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get
free.
- Catherine Ponder
If you want to get rid of your enemy, the true way is to realize
that your enemy is delusion.
Kegon Sutra, posted to Distillation
Forgiveness is an essential ingredient of bodhichitta practice.
It allows us to let go of the past and make a fresh start.
When a close friend of mine was dying, a Tibetan teacher told her
to review her life with honesty and compassion. This process led
her to some pretty dark places, corners of her mind where she was
stuck in guilt and resentment. The teacher then instructed her in
forgiveness, saying that the most important thing to do was to
forgive herself. He suggested that she do a variation on tonglen.
She should begin by visualizing herself and then intentionally
bring up all her life's regrets. The point was not to dwell in
painful memories but to contact the feelings underlying the pain:
guilt or shame, confusion or remorse. The feelings didn't have to
be named; she was to contact the stuckness in a nonverbal way.
The next step was to breathe these feelings into her heart,
opening it as wide as she possibly could, and then to send
herself forgiveness.After that, she was to think of others
feeling the same anguish and to breathe their pain and hers into
her heart and to send everyone forgiveness. My friend found this
to be a healing process. It allowed her to make amends with those
she had hurt and those who had hurt her. She was able to let go
of her shame and anger before she died.
A woman who came to Gampo Abbey for a tonglen retreat had
suffered severe sexual abuse from her father. She strongly
identified with caged birds; she told me that she often felt like
a bird in a cage. During tonglen, she would breathe in the
feeling of being small and caged; on the outbreath she would open
the door and let all the birds out. One day as she was sending
and taking in this way, she experienced one of the birds flying
out and landing on a man's shoulder. Then the man turned around
and she saw it was her father. For the first time in her life she
was able to forgive him.
Forgiveness, it seems, cannot be forced. When we are brave enough
to open our hearts to ourselves, however, forgiveness will
emerge.
There is a simple practice we can do to cultivate forgiveness.
First we acknowledge what we feel - shame, revenge,
embarrassment, remorse. Then we forgive ourselves for being
human. Then, in the spirit of not wallowing in the pain, we let
go and make a fresh start. We don't have to carry the burden with
us anymore. We can acknowledge, forgive, and start anew. If we
practice this way, little by little we'll learn to abide with the
feeling of regret for having hurt ourselves and others. We will
also learn self-forgiveness. Eventually, at our own speed, we'll
even find our capacity to forgive those who have done us harm. We
will discover forgiveness as a natural expression of the open
heart, an expression of our basic goodness. This potential is
inherent in every moment. Each moment is an opportunity to make a
fresh start.
- Pema Chodron, from The Places That Scare You, via the
Allspirit site
There is a very simple secret to being happy. Just let go of your
demand on this moment. Any time you have a demand on the moment
to give you something or remove something, there is suffering.
Your demands keep you chained to the dream state of conditioned
mind. The problem is that when there is a demand, you completely
miss what is now.
Letting go applies to the highest sacred demand, and even to the
demand for love. If you demand in some subtle way to be loved,
even if you get love, it is never enough. In the next moment, the
demand reasserts itself, and you need to be loved again. But as
soon as you let go, there is knowing in that instant that there
is love here already. The mind is afraid to let go of its demand
because the mind thinks that if it lets go, it is not going to
get what it wants - as if demanding works. This is not the way
things work. Stop chasing peace and stop chasing love, and your
heart becomes full. Stop trying to be a better person, and you
are a better person. Stop trying to forgive, and forgiveness
happens. Stop and be still.
- Adyashanti, from Emptiness Dancing
Through forgiveness, which essentially means recognizing the
insubstantiality of the past and allowing the present moment to
be as it is, the miracle of transformation happens not only
within but also without.
- Eckhart Tolle