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#3730 -
Monday, November 30, 2009 - Editor: Gloria Lee
The Nonduality Highlights - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NDhighlights
The Will to Truth
"When you went to a Zen temple and you wanted to go to a
retreat or become a monk or something, they would make you sit at
the temple gate, like the gate outside here. Imagine you
come to a retreat at Garrison, and they say "No! We
don't really want you here, you don't want to be here.
You're not serious. Forget about it. Go home.
Go back to your life. You don't want
this." And 90% of the people would just go,
"Well, screw that!' and just go home. And then there's
10% of the people who would kind of just sit at that gate and go
'I really do want to be here.' They go, 'No you don't.' So
that's what they used to do. So they would come out
occasionally and try to convince you to leave. But another
thing, as they were convincing you to leave they would make sure
you were well fed. A little breakfast, a little lunch, a
little dinner. So they would take care of you, not abusing
you, right? They were seeing what you were made of.
Seeing if your ego was in control here. If you actually had
the will to truth or you had the will to have it your way.
And after about a week or so, can you imagine? a week! At
the gates! Just to get in to see what's
happening! Good Lord! Then they might go, 'Okay come
on in. We like you anyway. We were just fooling
around.' They'd let you in.
Not that I want to do it that way of course but this "will
to truth" which means 'I really want to see things
differently.' I am really willing to see that the way I see
things may not be the way they are. I'm willing to see that
I was wrong.' That's what enlightenment showed me.
Basically I was wrong about everything. But only
everything. I viewed things the way they weren't. But
pretty much everything. I had this will to truth.
This kind of yearning and this irrational impulse as I called it
earlier, to truth and that was beautiful but basically what
awakening showed me is that the world is not what I thought it
was. I am not what I thought I was. The views I had
on almost everything have been turned upside down, inside out,
washed out, hung up to dry. And that's something that alot
of people don't realize, is that what we want? Do we
actually want change? I mean every one would want to
change, I want to become enlightened. It's not about
becoming enlightened. That's not what it's about.
It's not about having a greater glow or halo around your
head. It's about just the truth. Is that what we
want? It's no different than anything else in life, is
it? You know if you're an addict, the only thing that
matters is do you really want to change. You know as they
say in addiction, most people have to hit bottom before they
really want to change. And then they hit bottom and maybe
some of them are willing to change. They are willing
to. Before they wanted to but now they are willing
to. They are really willing to change and when they are
willing to change then they tend to start to change, don't
they? All of us are like that. Most of us are
addicted to our mind and ourself and our viewpoint. And of
course the idea isn't to take on somebody else's viewpoint. Mine
or anybody else's. It's not to take on someone else's
belief structure. It's not to take on someone else's
teaching. That's not the point.
The point is to discover it for yourself. That immeasurable
reality. What you really are. And it's right there,
what you really are. It's right there. It's right
there. And something that can really start to happen when
you just want what's real. Because it's never what we think
it is. It's never what we think it is. It's never the
image, it's never the idea. It comes from that
innocence. Do you know that innocence inside you? You
now that innocence. It's kind of like the innocence of the
child looking into the sky and wondering, how far is that star
away? That innocence, how far? It's just like
that. What's real? What am I? It's that
quality.
It's not, "Who am I, What am I? I want to find
that out because I want to wake up, etc, etc. That's very
sort of adult. Very goal oriented, ego acquiring the
Great Pearl Beyond Price. But the child thing is like,
'What is that?' How far away is that star in the sky?
Who am I really? Really? What's really
true? See it's an innocent thing. In the
innocence is a beautiful quality. And it comes from the intuition
which everybody has. Some of you, of course, have the full
realization, but others of you it comes from the intuition.
That's what brings us to spirituality in the first place.
Some intuition there's a greater truth, there's harmony, there's
unity somehow, somewhere. There's something that's real
amongst this insanity. There's something that's real and
pure and true. Whatever it is, that's the intuition that
brings you. That subtle intuition. Hopefully that's
there in you, that pulls you. Hopefully it's not the ego
just desiring. 'I read about it and I want that. I want
truth because it'll be good for me. I want truth and I want
a house and I want a million bucks'
So when you start to feel that thread in you, not so much like I
want, I want, I want, please God! Not so much like
that. But just that simple quiet sincerity, that will to
what's real, to what's harmonious, unity...however you would
think about it in your own being. That which reaches out in
that direction. That thread. That's why the great
teacher Nisargadatta, when someone would say, 'What's the most
important ingredient to self-realization?' And he would
just say, 'Earnestness.' And if you got to know his
teachings you realize he wasn't saying, you've got to just
really. really. really want it. It sounds like it but
what he meant by earnestness was much more like this will to
truth. You actually got to want what's real. It's the
most important thing. Without that, forget it. But
with that, there it is. It's that thread that probably has
brought you here. That's the thread. That's the
thread that brings all of us here, right?
And it's not a once-and-for-all-thing. I can guarantee you
that. Truth is a living thing. It's permanently
impermanent. It always is and it's always on the
move. It's not that thing that you realize and that you
hold on to, 'I have realized.' It's a thing that is
discovered fresh and anew, now and now and now. Otherwise
it dies in your hands. Your great realization can become so
much dust in your hands, if you grab hold of it and say 'I've got
it and I'll hold on to it and I'll bring this into my life
.' You may try that but sooner or later you discover truth
is not that thing. Truth is a living thing. Truth is
something that's living in a continuous state of openness.
All the real teachings are trying to point us in that
direction. Teachings are trying to point us
there. Sadly we tend to grab on to the
teachings. That's the tendency. Whether it's a
Buddhist teaching or Hindu or Christian or Advaitic
teaching. Whatever it is, the teachings are pointers.
They are trying to get you to realize this truth that the truth
is not the teachings. Even the teachings that I am speaking
right now. This is not the truth. I will never be
telling you the truth. I cannot tell you the truth.
My job is simply to fail well. To fail as well as I
possibly can. The truth is not something that can be
communicated. Not something that can be given from one to
the other. It's a living thing. It's a
revelation. And it's not a onetime revelation. If it
reveals itself to you and you try to hold on to it , you'll see
it die in your hand. It will wither. But if all that
grasping dies, then that flow, that revelation, it's always
anew. It's always anew. It's the same thing but it's
always anew. It's always the same but it's always
anew. It's always fresh. It's always
alive.
Adyashanti - Garrision Institute 2008 disk 6
posted to Wisdom-l By Mark Scorelle