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#3414 - Friday, January 16,
2009 - Editor: Jerry Katz
The Nonduality Highlights - http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NDhighlights
NONDUALITY AND NIHILSM
WHY “NO PERSON, NO PAST, NO PATH”
IS ONLY ‘HALF’ THE STORY
by Jeff Foster – December 2008
“In the beginning, trees were trees,
mountains were mountains,
and rivers were rivers.
Then came a time when trees were no longer
trees,
mountains were no longer mountains,
and rivers were no longer rivers.
Now, trees are once again trees,
mountains are once again mountains,
and rivers are once again rivers."
- Zen saying
People sometimes tell me that they think this
message is nihilistic. That it’s life-denying, that it
separates the “absolute” from the “relative”,
emphasises the absolute and denies the relative. Then again,
there are many people who read my books and see that what I'm
really talking about is unconditional love and unity and the end
of all seeking. Anyway, I'm fascinated by the varying responses.
Sometimes the interpretations of what I write (or
more correctly, what gets written!) do not at all match what is
being communicated. Somebody recently hit the nail on the head
when they suggested that upon hearing and believing the words
"there is nothing to get", someone might just go and
commit suicide because life was pointless. It’s possible
that the words could be taken that way. And at the same time,
that would be to absolutely miss what the words are
getting at. Violence – of any sort - is not being condoned
here.
The books were written as a confession of
what is seen clearly over here: right here, right now, this is
the miracle, the divine Mystery. And yes, of course, those
are just words, they don't come close to it at all. When I say
things like "I am That" or "everything is
God", of course we're back into duality again (inside
vs. outside, this vs. that, God vs. not-God). It’s
unavoidable when using language. What those words are really
trying to point to is the ineffable isness that is this
... totally and completely and utterly beyond words.
The Tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao.
Over here, there is a knowing that not a single word Jeff writes
or says about this could ever be true. The wonder of this, the
aliveness of what’s happening, cannot be spoken of... and
yet still, as I always say, why not try. The Tao that can
be named is not the eternal Name, but that doesn’t stop you
from writing the Tao Te Ching. When the why goes, all you’re
left with is the why not, and that’s the freedom in
this expression.
Let me tell you a little story. In the beginning,
trees were trees, mountains were mountains, and rivers were
rivers. Then, after years of all sorts of mind-blowing spiritual
experiences, thinking that I was God, that everything was Buddha,
etc, there was, finally, a falling-away of all of those concepts,
of every concept known to man. Finally, after a lifetime of
words, there were no more words. No more words for this.
What was seen is that everything is One (and yes, of course,
not even that, because “everything is One”, well, that
would just be another concept too!) There wasn’t even that.
Not even “everything is One”. There was nothing. No,
actually, there wasn’t even “nothing” but that’s
the word that comes closest. For a long while the nothingness of
everything was the only reality. There had been a falling into
the Void. Trees were no longer trees, mountains were no longer
mountains, and rivers were no longer rivers. There was nothing.
No me. No you. No world. No past. No future. Nothing to get. No
meaning. No point.
But of course it cannot stop there. "I am
nothing" or "there is nothing" – that’s
still totally dualistic. What happened then is that nothing
collapsed into everything, and that's as close as I can come in
words. The emptiness finally revealed itself to be total
fullness. The detachment and pointlessness (“nothing
matters! Everything is meaningless!”) gave way to a fullness
of being, to a joy beyond words, a contentment without a name.
You could say that Jeff died. The seeker died. The longing for something
more died.
You see, there was a time, before the books and the
talks, where I had fallen into the "everything is pointless,
there is nothing I can do" trap and, well, for hours and
days on end, I would just walk around my home town of Oxford, and
there was absolutely nothing in existence, absolutely nothing
happening at all. There was no world, no past or future, nothing.
Only the Void. And it was all so very grey and lacking in joy.
And I was so very, very serious about something called
“spirituality” (and, funnily enough, it was at this
time that I also believed I was awakened!). Herman Hesse, in his
book Steppenwolf, summed it up as follows:
"I [find] neither home nor company, nothing but
a seat from which to view a stage where strange people [play]
strange parts… Time and the world, money and power belong to
the small people and the shallow people. To the rest, to the real
men, belongs nothing.”
I thought I was a real man, not one of those
ignorant fools who were still lost in the “relative”
world (whatever that meant). Back then, I thought this was what
nonduality was all about. But then (and I cannot really say
‘when’ because it doesn’t happen in time), after
much agony, there was a collapse of the nothing into everything,
and of course, about this I cannot really say a word. Even the
absolute detachment from life, even that had been completely
dualistic. It takes a person to be detached, and a world
to be detached from. The "final" seeing (and I don’t
like to call it that, but it’ll do for now) was the death
of the person, the person who could be detached or not, and a
revelation (for no-one) that it was all a dance, a play, ALL of
it, ALL of it, including all the bits that Jeff had rejected,
including that nasty “relative” world that was so full
of ignorance and people who were unaware of their “true
nature” (whatever that meant). There was a plunge into the
absolute mystery of it all.... totally beyond words, totally
beyond language. For so long there had been a deadness, a lack of
joy, a sitting-back and watching the world go by without me. It
had been such a denial of the relative, a denial of the “world”.
The world had become the enemy, because it wasn’t
essentially real. Everyday human interactions had lost their
meaning, because there were no others. After a lifetime of
misery and self-consciousness it had initially been a relief to
be “free” from the world of form. But – and here’s
what I couldn’t see then – the nothingness had just
become another trap. The freedom I’d initially found in
the emptiness had morphed into a prison. Freedom in the formless
had become a denial of form. But, as the Buddhist Heart
Sutra has been reminding us for thousands of years:
“Form is emptiness and the very emptiness is
form; emptiness does not differ from form, form does not differ
from emptiness; whatever is form, that is emptiness, whatever is
emptiness, that is form…”
There had been a resting in Emptiness. But it still
had not been seen in clarity that Emptiness was Form. There was
still a “me” there, subtly denying life. Pretending he
was more “spiritual” or “awake” than others,
feeling smug and safe, and somewhat arrogant, but secretly
joyless in his Emptiness.
Then one day, it all collapsed. The denial of form
could not hold itself up. I cannot put it into words, but if I
could, it would be something like this. Jeff, after another day
of walking through
What is was seen to be the miracle. And it
was always enough. The very idea of “spirituality” went
out the window. That concept was no longer needed. Concepts of
“nothingness” and “awakening” and “nonduality”
went out the window. Concepts of practices and goals and future
attainment went out the window. Why? Because the grass was
enough. The tree was enough. The ground beneath my feet was
enough. I fell in love with solid ground, or solid ground fell in
love with itself, and the seeking of a lifetime was at an end. As
Ramana Maharshi said:
“The world is illusory. Brahman alone is real.
Brahman is the world.”
Brahman was the world, and it was all over.
Or, as Zen master Joho exclaimed:
“Fathomed at last!
Ocean's dried. Void burst.
Without an obstacle in sight,
It's everywhere!”
*
When I write things like "there is nothing to
get", it is not a teaching. It is an attempt to share
this seeing. I am not a teacher, I could never see myself as
that, because there is no longer any reference point here. I have
no way of knowing who I am, because it is not possible to
separate myself from myself, look back at myself and say what
that is. Because I am nothing, I neither teacher nor student. I
am whatever you say I am. And so I am everything too. Call me
teacher, call me friend, or call me nothing at all. You are what
I am, and I am what you are. And it all ends there, in an
intimacy that’s beyond words.
“There is nothing to get”. It’s not a
teaching. It is a confession [read Jerry Katz on nonduality.com
for more on the idea of confession vs. teaching]. What is seen here
(and I can only ever speak about what is seen here) is
that there is nothing to get (because THIS is the miracle). There
is nothing to do (because THIS is the miracle). Yes, that can be
heard in the wrong way. But there is also the possibility that
what is really being communicated, what is really
being pointed to by those words, will be heard. That resonance,
that recognition is possible. Perhaps that’s why the sharing
happens. I don’t know.
No, I cannot see myself as a teacher. I just offer
the words in the books and talks and nothing more. I just sing my
song. The bird tweets, the cat miaows, and this mind-body
organism (or whatever the hell it is) sometimes blabs on about
nonduality. There are many who will take one look at those books
and turn away. There are others who will read them and love them.
I love that people walk away, and that people stay ... that's
their freedom. Freedom to stay, freedom to go. Freedom to listen,
freedom to walk away.
*
When you are talking about nonduality, you are
always talking about something that cannot be spoken of. If I say
"this is already complete and there is nothing to get",
I get accused of falling into the absolute. If I say "there
is a practice, there is something you can do to get closer to
this", I get accused by the nonduality fundamentalists
(those who have turned nonduality into their new religion) of
believing in the relative. The Buddha himself said:
“…Discard, not only conceptions of one's
own selfhood and other selves… but also… all ideas
about the non-existence of such conceptions.”
When we cling to ideas of self, or ideas of no-self,
we are falling into duality. After years of falling into so many
conceptual traps, this is now seen clearly over here (there was a
ferocious and violent and intellect here, and it wouldn’t
let me get away with anything!) and so these days, when I say
“there is nothing to do” what is also seen is that the
moment that turns into a belief, it is no longer true.
That is why the guy who believes that "there is nothing to
do" and stays in bed all day has not really been listening.
The pointers have become concepts for him, they have hardened
into beliefs, and led to stagnation. This is such a common trap.
I know, I’ve been there. There are people out there who
truly believe that there is no person, no self. They truly
believe that there is nothing to get. They truly believe
that there is no future, no
In the clear seeing that there is nothing to do
(because THIS is already complete), stagnation goes out the
window. What I find is that there can be a springing out of bed,
the heart fully open to another day of not knowing. “Nothing
to do” – just a concept. “Something to do”
– another concept.
Nagarjuna said:
To say "it is" is to grasp for permanence.
To say "it is not" is to grasp at
nihilism.
Therefore a wise person
Does not say "it is" or "it is
not".
And Bodhidharma:
“Whoever knows that the mind is a fiction and
devoid of anything real knows that his own mind neither exists
nor doesn't exist. Mortals keep creating the mind, claiming it
exists. And Immortals keep negating the mind, claiming it doesn't
exist.”
Mind exists, mind doesn’t exist. Nothing to do,
something to do. Practice, no practice. Past, no past. Self, no
self. No need to stick to either polarity, or even negate both
polarities. It happens so often: people go to see nonduality
teachers (or non-teachers), and hear that there is nothing they
can do, so they give up and sometimes get very depressed. But
look: part of the dance is that on this astonishing planet there
are a million things to do, or so it would seem! This world
– as every child knows – is an adventure playground. It
neither exists nor doesn’t exist, but either way it’s a
play. And so the whole thing ends in the absolute paradox of it
all. Nothing to do, lots to do. Nothing, something. Self, no
self. There is nobody, there is somebody. The opposites
collapse into each other, and what is seen is that nonduality
could never be understood. Run a million miles from anyone
who claims to understand this! This is a plunge into the mystery,
totally beyond words. That is what all the words in all the books
are really pointing to.
And then, far from being depressing, words such as
"this is it" and "there is no path" are all
seen to be pointing to this liberation, this unconditional love.
And it’s seen that they always were pointing to that –
we just couldn’t see it at the time. Yes, nothing to get,
because it's all HERE. The intimacy and unconditional love that
was always sought are seen to be right HERE.
Until then, yes there is the danger that those words
could be taken the wrong way (“you’re saying that it’s
all Oneness, so murder must also be Oneness, so I could just go
and kill someone and that’s okay because it’s all
Oneness, right?”). And I am very clear about this in the
meetings (only recently we went into this at great length in one
of our
And then the whole duality/nonduality paradox is
resolved, and it is seen that there never was a paradox in the
first place. The seeing is that Oneness manifests itself as
apparently separate beings. Things go on appearing to be
separate, whilst at the same time they are all manifestations of
the whole. It’s the divine dance, it’s the cosmic
entertainment, it’s lila, it’s nothing being
everything. And yes, that could all remain on a purely
intellectual level. But what is being pointed to here is the seeing
(not just intellectual understanding) of this in clarity, and in
that seeing, all questions (which always point towards a future
that never arrives) dissolve and what is left, you have no way of
knowing.
*
When this was first seen, there were no words. I
couldn't say the first thing about this. Not a bloody word. It
has taken years for the words to return. There was a time I could
not even use the word "I" because it felt like a lie
(an "I" separate from the whole! How absurd!). But in
time (yes, the so-called ‘relative’ world is honoured
here!) the words came back, and there was talking and writing
about this… all done with a deep knowing that the
moment Jeff spoke about this, people would misinterpret and
misunderstand, and that it would even anger and frustrate some
people, but that was part of the play too. The Tao cannot be
told, and, well the moment you speak about it, you’re into
the world of words, the world of interpretation and
misinterpretation, the world of truth and falsehood, the world of
a thousand things. You’re into the world of time and space,
and you and me, and yin and yang. And that, perhaps, could become
a good reason to never speak about this, ever again. But “not
speaking about this”, well, that could become another
religion. The religion of silence. But this embraces both
silence and noise, and, as the story goes, one day, for no good
reason, Jeff began to write and speak about it...
This has always been seen as a sharing, in
openness and friendship… and of course I'm only ever sharing
with myself. So the mirage of separation goes on, but all the
while it is known: there is no separation at all. Yes, it all
ends in the mystery, in absolute love. How can I communicate to
you the intimacy and freedom and peace and emptiness and fullness
of just sitting on a chair, right now? Of just breathing, just
sounds happening? The isness of this will never be spoken
of, and yet it continues to shine, moment by moment, although
there are no separate moments at all.
And so the paradox is resolved here, in the
absolutely simplicity and wonder of what is. In breathing
happening, in noises in the room, in the warmth of my mug of tea,
in the crunch of the biscuits, in the crumbs falling onto my
trousers. The search of a lifetime ends here, and there is only
gratitude for the mug of tea, for the biscuit, for this, as it
is. Nobody drinks the tea, nobody eats the biscuit, and nobody is
typing these words, but still, what a miracle it all is, and how
crazy (and innocent in my craziness) I was all those years,
looking for something more than this, when everything I ever
needed was right here. Right here, in the place where I am
not.