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Nonduality Highlights: Issue #3345, Saturday, November 8, 2008, Editor: Mark
You cannot be conscious of what does not change. All
consciousness is consciousness of change. But the very perception
of change - does it not necessitate a changeless background?
- Nisargadatta Maharaj
How Do You Feel?
What do we want, for ourselves as individuals? We just want to be
happy, mostly. What does that mean? We want to have this one
particular feeling all the time, one we call "happy."
Does that mean we somehow expect to go the rest of our lives only
having happy thoughts, and not ever having a sad or bad thought
cross our mind?
Maybe it would be more reasonable to look at the anatomy of
feelings, and whether it's all that important what the content of
our thought is. Maybe there can be a happy or a sad thought, a
charitable or a judgmental one, and it's all the same. Perhaps
looking into this idea and seeing feelings for what they are
might allow us to see our own ignorance about them, and see how
our true nature is obscured by the fog of this ignorance.
Bliss seems to be a common feeling that is lusted after. This is
probably why "enlightenment" is thought of as a
desirable goal - because it promises to bring us permanent bliss.
Permanent bliss. The problem with pursung "permanent
bliss" is that bliss is simply a state of feeling, and no
state of feeling is ever permanent. You may feel bliss for a
little while, but it is sure to shift to something else. This is
what feelings are - they are impermanent, like clouds in the sky.
Asking for permanent bliss is like asking for one particular
formation of clouds in the sky to stick that way forever. It
can't happen.
But what does feeling blissful mean, anyway? Does the feeling of
bliss change the clear, present-time awareness that reflects
everything that appears? No, it does not. And nor does a feeling
of anxiety, or a feeling of depression, a feeling of
hopelessness, or despondence. Nothing changes that clear, shining
consciousness which you notice right now as being the ground on
which everything appears.
Does feeling worthy, loved, or self-assured change the clear,
bright presence that is watching this all, through your own
consciousness, right now? No, it does not. So any pursuit you
have in your life that i for the purpose of feeling happier, or
feeling loved, or feeling self-assured, or anything else - none
of it amounts to anything. Nothing of substance improves when you
improve the quality of your "feeling."
And yet this - feeling - is all that changes when we change the
circumstances of our lives. All that work to change our
circumstances! And nothing changes but the thought, the idea, the
feeling you have about yourself and your life. Look for yourself.
All that effort to make it big, get ahead, get rich, get a lover,
look good, have all the right friends, be a good person, help the
planet, be "spiritual" - none of it does anything
except change how you feel, or how you think about yourself. And
your feelings are changing from moment to moment, no matter how
hard you try to grab onto a particular one, and no matter what
the circumstances are.
I'm not telling you anything you don't know. You've tried this
already - you've tried for years to have your actions and
accomplishments in the materil world satisfy your hunger, and
they never do. And the reason they never do is that you keep
wanting to have a better feeling resulting from what you
accomplish, earn, buy, give, understand, create, seduce, control,
fix, etc., but no lasting feeling ever materializes. There is no
such thing as a lasting feeling. The object may last - the boat
you bought last year is still there, but the feelings about it
have changed from elated to encumbered. The person you fell all
over yourself to win the heart of is now making you miserable.
Material objects and acquisitions, be they things or people, do
not create anything lasting.
And because you've figured this out, and know at some level that
you can't get what you want in the material world, you invent a
goal that trumps all others: enlightenment. This goal is not
about "stuff," this is about truth! Truth! So you feel
perfectly justified in turning your sights to this lofty goal.
And you're off to the races.
But you're just back in the same old trap gain. Wanting to feel
"done,- enlightened, awake, realized" wanting to feel a
permanent sense of bliss, peace, and freedom. Wanting to
understand the big mystery once and for all, so that all anxiety
about your unworthiness can be put to rest. But hitching your
cart to a feeling is asking for trouble.
"I want to be enlightened" is a feeling - a feeling of
frustration. "I want bliss" is a feeling of lack. Right
now you feel lack. Right now you feel frustrated. It's fine, the
feelings change. In a minute you will feel something else. But
the story, repeating "I want to have bliss," "I
want to be awake," brings back the feeling of lack again. As
soon as you try to grab bliss, it turns into lack. No problem, it
will soon change. But the point is, nothing you fix in the story
is of any use. It's shifting and changing under your feet all the
time. Nothing in the story lasts, not even "I understand it
all now!"
So, what then? If not feeling good, feeling blissful, feeling
awake, then what?
Wha is. What you are. This, just this, now, this aware space
noticing all the feelings, all the thoughts, all the sensations.
Permanent. Never changing. The mirror that is not changed by what
shows in its reflection. Just this, and observable by you right
now in your own experience.
Not bliss, not a lack of bliss. Feelings have no way to touch
this, which is the wellspring from which all feelings arise. This
is not divided by labeling it happy and sad. This is One,
undivided, unchanging, eternally now.
As this, you notice that you are alive. You notice that life is
happening, dramas are unfolding, stars and galaxies are swirling
in the heavens. As this, you notice that you are aware: without
interference from any feeling or judgment about it, you are
simply aware. And as you are, the universe is. And as the
universe is, God is. Brahman is. Oneness is.
There is no such thing as enlightenment, folks. Desire it for one
second and here you are feeling lack again. Stop. The light you
are seekin is already you. You. This. Always. Already. Now. Is it
hidden from you, from your human consciousness? No. It is all
there is! It is all you are ever noticing. You name it a million
other things, and create stories about those million things all
day long, but it is only, always, just this. And you are that.
- Annette Nibley
We are the one's we've been waiting for.
- Hopi Wisdom