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#2933 - Friday, September 21, 2007 - Editor: Jerry Katz
Here is an excerpt from a book I edited, One: Essential Writings on Nonduality.
Check availability at your local Borders Store: http://www.bordersstores.com/locator/locator.jsp?tt=gn
JERRY WENNSTROM
I Became Nothing
In 1979, I destroyed all the art I had created, gave
everything I owned away, and began a new life. I sensed an inner
and outer world in perfect order. I sensed that I could become a
willing participant in that order, and that it allowed for my
individual expression and unique contribution. I know now that my
participation was conditional on how well I learned to listen and
to see the inherent patterns within the natural order I sensed.
The return of a physical creative expression came later, after I
learned what was required by the inner life. The new life that I
gave myself to required unconditional trust and noninterference.
I asked for nothing from any human being. I needed to know if
there was a God, and I risked my life to find that out. I know
now that we risk far more when we attempt to create a life devoid
of a personal relationship with our God.
I ate when I had food and I fasted when I did not. I
accepted whatever came into my life. It was that simple. I was
familiar with fasting; I had done it once a week since I was
twenty years old. Now, eating became a miracle. At first, I had
something of a small following as an artist, and people were
still interested in what I did, so they gave to me. Soon it
became apparent that I was not going back into art, and many of
these people faded from my life. I had a close circle of friends
of the spirit who understood what I had given myself to, to some
extent. They had their doubts, and so did I. My life was just too
much for our modern western mind to consider. Eventually I saw
the ways in which the miracle carried my life. I could never have
continued this strange and lonely journey if I had not seen that.
My joy and my ability to help others were gifts of that miracle
and were my only tools for disarming the fears that were
inevitably projected onto me. Fielding the fears of others was
probably the most difficult task of the new life. I had to
confront the fears within myself first. I had to give to others
unconditionally and expect nothing in return. This is a society
where everything is not enough.
On the surface, I looked like what most of us put
all of our energies into avoiding. I became nothing. I
had chosen to make an intuitive and conscious leap into the void
so I did not have the luxury of asking for sympathy when the
journey became frightening or impossible. Even the least
intelligent among us would have suggested that I get a job and
feed myself. I knew that I did not have that choice. I knew that
once I jumped into the vast and empty ocean I saw before me,
there was no measure in between that could save me. I would swim
or drown. In water up to my neck, no choices and no turning back
would be possible. I knew this was real.
In the cyclical rhythm of life, we eventually come
up against a profound moment in which we must decide how much
faith and courage we are willing to give ourselves to. Most
often, in deciding this, we also establish how much courage we
will live with for the rest of our lives. This crucial point
usually comes to us at around the age of thirty. The
opportunities at that time are like no other. Only the rare human
being can leap into a deeper faith beyond that opportune stage in
their life. Usually, if we have not done it under the best of
circumstances, when the physical and spiritual winds are at our
back, then we rarely find courage or reason enough to do it later
in life. However, grace has no limits, and this is not written in
stone. Only we know what we do with that moment once it
arrives in our life, or where we may have set it to rest. Have we
chosen the safe life, its foundation rooted in fear? Or have we
chosen the Mystery, in which all may be lost or gained? We have
only our inner knowing, and as an external indicator, the
miracle, which informs us of the power of our choice. No one can
judge, yet everyone intuits our choice by the ways in which it
resembles their own.
One: Essential Writings on Nonduality.
Check availability at your local Borders Store: http://www.bordersstores.com/locator/locator.jsp?tt=gn