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Nondual Highlights Issue #2464, Saturday, May 6, 2006, Editor: Mark
- Two amazing awakening stories...
It was about 10 PM, and I was commuting from Boston to New York
in late September of 1984. It had been a bumpy year, so to speak,
and I was on the brink of a rather complex career turning point.
Earlier that afternoon, I had just retrieved my car from a Boston
body shop after an unenviable encounter with a runaway bus in
Cuban Harlem. This had been my second visit to that particular
sheet metal doctor, who was kind enough to remind me, as I drove
away, that "the third time is the charm". In
retrospect, I must admit that these little cliches, floating
around in the vast collective consciousness, have an odd way of
validating themselves.
I was overly familiar with the stretch of highway that I was
currently navigating, and mind had slipped into semi-automatic,
entertaining the random road musings about God and work and love
and mortgage payments, pasts and futures vying for attention,
even as the present was rushing to itself with arms wildly
waving. Glancing up, I noticed that I was approaching my
designated exit along the Saw Mill Parkway. It had come up sooner
than expected, punctuating my reveries. Funny how that happens.
I checked the rear view mirror to see if I could move into the
right lane to exit, and saw a pair of headlights in what seemed a
good bit of distance behind me in the right lane. I felt
comfortable about the lane switch, but as I began to cross over,
I was rear-ended by the on-coming car, which had been moving at
much faster speed than I had calculated. I was pushed into the
guardrail to the right, then lost control and swerved through the
rail on the left, plunging over the side of the mountain.
As I plummeted down the hillside, my visibility was thwarted by
the darkness and the strobe-like streaks from my headlight beams
as they bounced wildly off the onrushing landscape. I knew with
complete certainty that "this was it." Not only was I
about to die, but it was actually going to be quite gruesome,
with mangled body parts and all the attendant undesirable horrors
now swarming back from the 60's cautionary "Drivers Ed"
films. An enormous fear raced through me on the wings of
adrenaline, the primal survival response crushing up against sure
knowledge of sheer ruin.
Suddenly I hit the bottom of the hill, but unlike the movie
finale, I did not explode in a blazing fireball. Rather, my car
catapulted up through the air, flipping over and over as it
crossed the oncoming 2-lane highway. It continued air-borne
across the service road, finally slamming into the side of the
hill on the other side, where it proceeded to roll down a bit
until it hung, teetering, on the edge of an embankment.
It must have been while I was in mid-air (although my recollected
sense was that time itself had truly stopped) that the fear was
swallowed up by a great silence. This silence was deeper than I
had ever known and certainly beyond my feeble adjectives, and yet
curiously "familiar", as if it had always been here,
just behind the chitchat of everyday mind and imagined identity.
Spontaneously, there was a "knowing" that I could never
be implicated by death, but more to the point that there had
never been, nor could there ever be, such a thing as
"I".
There was no car, no accident, no trace of any self. There was no
narrative or story line of "my life", any life, any
world, any personal or collective history, any future.
Consciousness without object. Awareness/Beingness, boundless and
inexpressible, vastness with no center, motionless, serenity with
no opposite, and thus not even serenity - such words and phrases
don't even touch it! Truly, nothing can be said that is anything
more than an interpretation on apperception.
Suddenly "I" was back in the crushed driver's seat, my
left foot had pierced through the floor board of the car, and was
dangling shoeless in the air over the embankment, shattered.
People were milling about, sharing their disbelief that someone
could have survived such a disaster!
I was engulfed in tears, but these tears had nothing to do with
the accident, or survival, or relief to be essentially in one
piece. I was dissolved in the core of Heart, and these tears were
tears of Gratitude for such Grace, that I had been set free of
Death, and had come Home at last.
Even as I write this I am overwhelmed by these same tears. Our
True Nature is such Unimaginable Freedom! We are not what we
suppose ourselves to be, not what we have been told we are, and
certainly not some soulful bird in a cage of skin and bones! The
whole universe appears and disappears in ordinary, majestic
perfection within This - This That We Really Are! The only
"recourse" for me now was to be what I am, which is
Love. This is only the obvious motion and activity of Life
Itself, despite what may seem to be otherwise in our imaginary
histories of experience.
When the paramedics placed me in the ambulance and closed the
doors, they immediately fell silent and stopped their busy work,
overcome themselves by the current of Bliss filling up the space
with Heart Light. They stared at me, and then at each other, and
one said: "What is happening here?" as the three of us
all felt the unmistakable Presence permeating the ambulance. We
took each other's hand, and all were drawn into that drenching
Stillness. At the emergency room we all embraced, and they were
reluctant to leave. One said: "The miracle didn't happen out
there. It's in here!"
An interesting postscript to that event was brought to my
attention later. Several of my friends reported intense
experiences of Presence timed to that very night. Another, who
was sitting hospital vigil with her husband in the final stages
of his terminal illness, reported that -- at around 10 PM that
night -- she was overwhelmed by a brilliant streak of light which
shone through her heart and into and around her husband for
several minutes. By the next day he had recovered completely from
his illness, much to the bewilderment of the medical staff.
- Mazie Lane, posted to DailyDharma
Introduction
On the morning of February 5, 1997, my life was changed, at a
deep and fundamental level, by a completely unexpected and
inexplicable experience.
To this day, I still do not fully comprehend, with my rational
mind or intellect, exactly what happened. And yet, the validity
and power of this incredible moment remain with me today,
profoundly vivid and clear more than three years after the fact.
It was a moment of intuitive revelation which arrived suddenly
and without warning, and which I can only describe as an
"epiphany," or an Awakening. In this timeless moment,
my understanding and experience of the universe were completely
and irrevocably transformed.
Now, well over three years later, I am still feeling the effects
of this remarkable experience. The epiphany lasted only briefly,
perhaps 3 hours or less, but as a result of the fundamental shift
that occurred during this momentary revelation, my priorities, my
identity, and the shape and form of my work have all begun to
change.
Epiphany at the Rodeway Inn
Epiphany: a sudden manifestation or perception of the essential
nature or meaning of something; an intuitive grasp of reality
through something usually simple and striking.
The epiphany arrived suddenly, and without warning. In fact, I
was asleep when the experience began.
The night before, my partner and I had driven from where we live
in San Antonio, Texas, to Austin, where we rented an overnight
room at a Rodeway Inn. As meeting facilitators and management
consultants, we were scheduled to facilitate a planning meeting
for one of our Austin clients, in preparation for one of their
upcoming construction projects.
This was a routine work assignment, and we spent the evening as
we usually did, reviewing our agenda for the next day, and
confirming a new work opportunity with another of our clients.
Little did I realize when I lay down to sleep that night, I would
awaken in the morning seeing and experiencing the world through
new eyes.
Awakening into Awareness
Sometime during the early morning hours of February 5th, I began
to dream. During the dream, I found myself standing before a man,
apparently a healer, who used acupressure points to release and
encourage the flow of chi (essential energy) throughout the body.
As I stood before this man, energy was moving and surging within
the upper part of my body; he was kneeling behind me. Then, he
touched my body in two places: first, on the mid-point of the
back of my left arm, and then on the back of my right leg, just
below the knee.
Suddenly, an invisible, but significant, shift occurred
internally: it felt as if any residual or latent energy blockages
within my body had been instantly and completely released.
Before I knew or could understand what was happening, the top of
my head opened up, and a flood of brilliant white light poured
over me, flowing into and through my entire body.
Overwhelmed by the intensity of this flooding energy and light,
my knees buckled beneath me, and I awakened abruptly. Now wide
awake and in utter amazement, I felt the surging energy
continuing to flow through my entire body! As it moved through
me, flooding through the very essence of my being, the energy
rapidly began changing -- transforming into an wave of complete
and absolute euphoria, an indescribable contentment that extended
far beyond the bounds of human expression.
(NOTE: For an Awakening experience seemingly initiated from a
similar dream-based start, compare the above with the writings of
Ann Faraday who relates in her article: "I fell asleep one
night in October 1985 and woke next morning without a self."
A similar experience is related to by the American spiritual
teacher Lee Lozowick, as well.)
Realizing the Natural Great Perfection
Within this timeless, euphoric space, I suddenly realized and
knew with unmistakable clarity that the universe, exactly as it
is within the present moment, is absolutely complete and perfect.
The present moment was whole and integrated. Any sense of
fundamental separateness was gone. "I" was still there,
but any anxiety I had ever felt was completely eliminated. All I
knew/felt/experienced was the complete and absolute perfection of
the present moment.
I became keenly aware of the river of energy flowing through each
of us -- an energy arising from within and intuitively guided by
this exquisite and innate perfection. I realized that everything
appearing before us is simply a manifestation and expression of
this energy, and that this energy is always moving through each
of us, guiding us throughout our lives.
In this moment of Recognition, I suddenly realized the
fundamental simplicity of our existence and our purpose:
There is nothing we need to do or achieve, beyond the fullness of
the present moment.
And, I understood that this realization will dawn upon each of
us, naturally and inevitably, as we begin to release our
resistance to the flow of this energy moving within our lives.
With this realization, I began to understand, more clearly than
ever before, the value of paying attention to:
the relationship between body, mind, and spirit,
the relationship between intellect and intuition, and
the energetic rhythms and intuitive impulses moving within each
of us.
This was a moment of overwhelming revelation, of pure and
absolute joy. The perfection and wholeness of the universe seemed
so obvious, so simple, so complete, so absolute. Like a
bliss-filled fool, I alternately laughed and cried, spontaneously
and irresistibly, at the exquisite perfection of All That Is.
Even as I eventually awakened my partner, and began to shower and
prepare for our client's meeting, this astonishing energy
continued to move through me, in wave after wave of sweet and
unspeakable joy.
Intuitive Integration There was no question in my mind, during
this timeless, indescribable moment that:
Within the present moment, each of us is where we need to be,
doing what we need to do.
In our lives, and through our being, the Infinite Universe is
continuously manifesting its completeness and perfection;
An exquisite bliss arises when we recognize and acknowledge this
perfection and wholeness within our own, immediate experience.
I realized that it is at the intuitive level that we have our
deepest moments of "knowingness" and
"beingness" and insight, and that for each of us, this
process of revelation begins simply with an intuitive faith and
trust in our own energetic movement toward wholeness and
integration.
I realized that, within this very moment, this energetic impulse
is guiding each of us toward deeper levels of intuitive
recognition of this innate integration and inherent completeness.
And, I realized that we can begin to recognize this energetic
impulse through body work and energy work; through yoga, movement
and dance; through dream work and intuitive process work; through
our relationships, and through our work in the world. I realized
that this movement of energy, through our daily life experiences,
is our greatest and most potent teacher.
I realized that this process is simply an intuitive exploration
of the movement of chi -- the essential life force within the
universe -- within the body/mind/spirit in the present moment. I
realized that this experience of intuitive integration is simply
a process of gradually realizing the energetic balance within our
lives, within our intuition/intellect, and within our work/play.
I realized that throughout our lives, we are all intuitively
drawn toward deeper and more profound levels of physical, mental,
emotional, psychic and spiritual integration by deep impulses and
timeless rhythms of wholeness. And, I realized that this process
allows each of us to explore the depths of our own innate
potential to achieve an ever deepening Awareness and Recognition
of our own fundamental and essential nature.
I realized that within each of our lives, there is a pattern of
intuitive recognition that has developed over time, an
"intuitive river" that can provide clues to
understanding the development of this integration process. I
realized that the pattern and rhythm of this process are uniquely
and individually appropriate to each of us, within the present
moment. And, I understood that regardless of the path we choose,
this process of intuitive integration will gradually to guide us
all through, and toward, a recognition of the essential
wholeness, completeness and perfection of All That Is.
I realized that in all our efforts to discern a sense of meaning
and purpose in our lives, and in our struggle to understand the
nature of the universe, our simple goal -- and our greatest
freedom -- ultimately lie in recognizing this fundamental and
essential state of natural Awareness. I realized that all of our
efforts and struggle ultimately dissolve into our ability to
trust the process of the completeness and perfection of the
universe manifesting within the present moment.
With this recognition came a deepening understanding that:
"Mistakes," as we know them, are not possible.
"Whatever happens is the only thing that could have."
Our most fundamental freedom is our freedom to choose within the
present moment.
The present moment and the human soul are a converging nexus
point of the Infinite.
The past and future are pale shadows and faint echoes of the
luminescent present.
Bliss is recognizing the absolute, complete perfection of the
universe, exactly as it is, within the infinite present.
The perfection of the universe lies within its complete integrity
and wholeness. Within this larger context, there is room for all
the smaller, diverse "imperfections" of our daily,
human experience.
All suffering in the universe ultimately is not absurd because it
is contained within an Infinite Benevolence that extends far
beyond the limits of all imaginable suffering.
Discovering the "Open Secret"
In this Awakening, I discovered that my restless seeking and
ceaseless longing were suddenly and completely resolved in the
Perfection of the present moment. With a sense of indescribable
delight and relief, I discovered that my search for meaning and
purpose was finally over.
I realized that our common, "ordinary" human experience
is indistinguishable from the Fullness and Essence of Reality.
And, I finally understood that nothing ever needs to be done to
achieve or obtain this Great Perfection. It is already absolute,
complete and inherent within the present moment.
Clear Seeing
I realized that this shift in Awareness is not about a change in
perspective or position: it is simply a Recognition of our
essential Beingness.
I realized that this shift is both gradual and sudden: it happens
suddenly, and it exists outside of time. And, it emerges
gradually, both in and over time.
I also realized that this shift is not about arriving somewhere;
it is simply borne of a contentment that no longer feels the need
to go anywhere.
I realized that throughout history the saints and sages have
always supported and encouraged us until this experience of
Awareness and insight is one we recognize, and accept, as our
own.
I realized that part of the Great Mystery of the universe is that
the Infinite is continuously manifesting in and through our
individual, personal experiences of the finite.
I also realized that this discovery was simply a pure expression
of my own truth, not an absolute "Truth." At the same
time, I knew that a larger Truth and deeper meaning were revealed
within my individual experience.
I realized that each experience of "awakening," each
Realization, each discovery of That which is Real, is unique to
each individual. At the same time, I understood that we all
ultimately "break through" into a recognition of the
same essential Presence: a vast and spacious background of whole,
integrated and natural Awareness.
I was also delightfully surprised to discover, in this moment of
exquisite euphoria, that "I" - the little identity I
recognize as "me" - did not disappear or extinguish! I
was astonished that "I" didn't have to die in order to
"experience" this magnificent Wholeness! The
Realization of this incredible integration occurred, and yet
"I" still remained conscious and aware. The personality
remained intact: "I" was still "me," and
"I" was still here, but "I" was now contained
within, and not separate from, the Presence and Essence of vast
and integrated Wholeness.
Initial Reflections on Awakening
I do not know what, if any, specific factors triggered this
Awakening. The emergence of the epiphany felt like pure,
unadulterated Grace. I suspect, however, that during the months
preceding this experience, a groundwork may have been laid, at
least in part (1) through an increasing trust in my own intuitive
potential, and (2) through an intensification of my on-going
search for answers to some of life's most compelling questions
about the nature, meaning and purpose of existence.
I also do not know what essential conditions would be necessary
in order to initiate a similar experience within another
individual, but I have begun to believe that:
Everything within our lives - without exception - is a revelation
and expression of That which is the Source of our own inevitable
Awakening.
Each of us is already gradually "ripening" into a
recognition of our own innate Awareness and Essence.
In its own unique way and appropriate time, each individual
experience of Awakening occurs quite naturally, unpredictably and
with absolute spontaneity.
Since the epiphany, I have discovered that the background of
spacious, natural Awareness revealed within this experience of
"awakening" has remained the frame of reference for all
my experience of being human. And, I have found that as a result
of this revelation, my understanding and experience of life have
gradually, and irrevocably, begun to change. I have discovered
that for me, now, there can be no turning back: That which has
been Seen cannot be Unseen, and with this epiphany, my life will
never be the same again....
With the epiphany, it has also become clear to me is that we do
not need to pursue or cultivate a spiritual hunger for
experiences such as this awakening, simply because even the
"highest" of mystical experiences is still just that:
another experience. Rather, I believe we are best served by
beginning to recognize that our own immediate, present moment
reality is not separate from, or other than, the larger Truth or
Reality for which we have been searching.
I believe that when we finally release our attachment to the
misconception that "This moment, or this experience, is not
It," we will suddenly realize, with an exquisite and
overwhelming delight, that we already are That for which we have
been seeking....
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Sharing the Epiphany
Please feel free to share this description of the epiphany with
others, as long as it is copied and distributed in its entirety,
retaining all the source, contact and copyright information
included below. Thank you.
Awakening into Awareness:
Insight Mentoring with Metta Zetty
http://www.awakening.net
AIA@awakening.net
P.O. Box 781955
San Antonio, Texas 78278
©1997-2001, Metta Zetty -- All Rights Reserved.