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#2128 - Friday, April 29, 2005 - Editor: michael
http://www.geocities.com/the_wanderling/Recognize.html
When the Buddha was walking along the road to Benares following his post-Enlightenment pause he was approached by a wandering ascetic. According to the custom of the time the ascetic greeted him and asked who his teacher was or what doctrine he followed. The Buddha told the wanderling that he was "the Victor and Conqueror of the World, superior to gods and men, an All-Enlightened One beholden to no teacher." The wandering ascetic could see no hint of anything of the Buddha's nature and wandered off as wanderlings are oft to do, mumbling under his breath something like, "If it were only so!"
http://www.otoons.com/eso/Pretendus_Enlighteneux.htm
The 10 warning signs for Pretendus Enlighteneux
Do you suffer from fake enlightenment? A delusional complex some call 'being touched by divine light', 'knowing God' or 'being in harmony with my crown chakra?' If you do, you aren't alone. Most pretty, young, clueless actor types in large Metropolitan cities will contract this disease. And most end up getting poked by their chauvinistic yoga teachers who, interestingly, seem to suffer from a similar disease. The most dangerous effects of long term fake enlightenment are (in no particular order) an eventual boring commune life, lifelong lameness, Veganism, children, obsessive church-going and/or therapy.
Here are 10 warning signs YOU should look out for:
1.You are mentally ill: A chemical imbalance in the brain does not constitute enlightenment. (Although you hear voices and think about strange things.)
2. You do lots and lots of Eastern based exercise: Yoga, Tai Chi, etc. (If God had meant for your nose to get that close to your ass...well...you just make me sick.)
3. You are easily hypnotized: You are getting sleepy.
4. When a person speaks to you, your eyes glaze over and only become animated again when it is your turn to talk.
5. You "get it": Sure, sure. There's no other self-help book reading, vegetarian, Tiva wearing, long hair who's been doing Kundalini for a month that 'gets it' quite like you, is there?
6. You have lost all sense of humor.
7. People giggle behind your back and have given you the nickname 'Squeaky Fromm.'
8. You are physically attractive: Pretty people can never truly be enlightened. Jesus sez the meek shall inherit the earth - and by meek He meant 'the ugly' or 'the homely' - a proven fact, given that historians now know Jesus was hardly better looking than any old poodle's flaky gray ass.
9. The books you read fall into any/all of these categories: health, self-help and theology. OR You only read pamphlets.
10. Its o.k. to do hurtful things to others because, "everything I do and everything that happens to me is my Divine destiny." (See Justified Selfishness below and Mental Illness above)
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http://www.hundredmountain.com/Pages/pageone_stuff/laughing_feb00/laughing3.html
In a wonderful chapter [No. 18: “Satori, The
Koan, and Monastic Polishing”] of her online book,
"Seventh World of Chan Buddhism" at the ZBOHY
website, Chuan Yuan Shakya tells the story of a monk
named Doe Ming who is given the one-hand-clapping koan.
With much pride he focuses on the koan, but the
increasingly clever answers he conceives horrify his
beloved master, who eventually strikes him. Weeks pass.
Stressed and humiliated, Doe Ming takes refuge in menial
tasks. He is forgotten and gains contentment. Then, a
sound triggers Enlightenment. He goes to his master and
says "Eat shit and die, you old fake!" He
bursts out laughing. The master and the head monk join in
merrily.
While the supposed “point” of the
one-hand-clapping koan is not that it is funny, the
absurd quality of opening the puzzlebox of this koan is
intrinsic to its message.
Douglas notes, “A few years ago a possible answer
came to me for the response to ‘What is the sound of
one hand clapping?’ Answer: Half the sound of two
hands clapping...Is that a koan?” Douglas adds that
given the anecdote mentioned above, a Zen master would
probably have struck him for such an answer.
Jeff says that he has spent more time studying the
teachings of the T’ang Dynasty Ch’an mastesr
than any other group. “And those ol' rascals have
definitely infected me with their appreciation of the
spontaneous, the absurd, and the silly as tools for
breaking down the fossilized conceptual barriers that
stand between us and innate enlightenment. ... The Ch'an
masters are just a bunch of impossibly ridiculous
buffoons.”
He goes on to say:
“Imagine how crazy it is to meditate facing a wall
for nine years until your legs fall off, and then to
refuse your disciple until he cuts off his arm and hands
it to you! If that's not farce, I don't know what is. And
then there's old Bird Nest up in his tree, telling the
high official that a three-year-old can understand the
transcendent Dharma, but even a seventy-year-old can't
seem to practice it. The shock effect, the ultimate tool
for satori in the Ch'an/Zen sect, is extremely close to
the startle one receives at the punchline of a joke. Both
offer the listener unexpected alternate possible ways of
perceiving the world and his/her relation to it. Dharma
could be defined as that which shakes up our old views
and offers realignment with a healthier way of seeing
things--the same definition also applies to humor, of
course.”
In very simple terms, says Dinty: “What the Buddha
said is never to take anything too seriously. Even Zen
disciplines are mocked by many of the masters. So, yes, I
think an appreciation of the absurd can be a good
thing.”
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http://www.oshoworld.com/jokes/main.asp
"Dorothy, your
boyfriend, Mulla Nasrudin, seems very bashful," said
Mama to her daughter.
"Bashful!" echoed the daughter, "bashful
is no name for it."
"Why don't you encourage him a little more? Some men
have to be taught how to do their courting. He's a good
catch."
"Encourage him!" said the daughter, "he
cannot take the most palpable hint. Why, only last night
when I sat all alone on the sofa, he perched up in a
chair as far away as he could get. I asked him if he
didn't think it strange that a man's arm and a woman's
waist seemed always to be the same length, and what do
you think he did?"
"Why, just what any sensible man would have done --
tried it."
"NO," said the daughter. "HE ASKED ME IF I
COULD FIND A PIECE OF STRING SO WE COULD MEASURE AND SEE
IF IT WAS SO."
---------------------------------------------
http://push.homeip.net/jokes.html
WRONG MESSAGE
There was a barber that thought that he should share his faith with his customers more than he had been doing lately. So the next morning when the sun came up and the barber got up out of bed he said, "Today I am going to witness to the first man that walks through my door."
Soon after he opened his shop the first man came in and said, "I want a shave!" The barber said, "Sure, just sit in the seat and I'll be with you in a moment." The barber went in the back and prayed a quick desperate prayer saying, "God, the first customer came in and I'm going to witness to him. So give me the wisdom to know just the right thing to say to him. Amen."
Then quickly the barber came out with his razor knife in one hand and a Bible in the other while saying "Good morning sir. I have a question for you... Are you ready to die?"
TOP 25 BIBLICAL THEME SONGS
Noah:"Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head"
Joseph, son of Jacob: "Dreams"
Adam and Eve:"Strangers in Paradise"
Lazarus: "The Second Time Around"
Esther: "I Feel Pretty"
Job: "I've Got a Right to Sing the Blues"
Moses:"The Wanderer"
Jezebel: "The Lady is a Tramp"
Samson: "Hair"
Judas: "(You're The) Devil In Disguise"
Salome: "I Could Have Danced All Night"
Daniel: "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"
Joshua: "Good Vibrations"
Peter: "I'm Sorry"
Esau: "Born to be Wild"
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego: "Great Balls of Fire!"
The Three Kings: "When You Wish Upon a Star"
Jonah: "Got a Whale of a Tale"
Elijah: "Up, Up, and Away"
Nebuchadnezzar: "Crazy"
Paul: "I Get Around"
John the Baptist: "A Place For My Head"
The Diciples: "I Will Follow Him"
Jesus: "If I Had A Hammer"
God: "Who wrote the Book of Love?"
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http://www.semiconfareast.com/semicon_humor.htm
What did the integrated circuit say when it was enlightened? IC.
----------------------------------------------------
http://www.7freedom.com/enlightenment.htm
Enlightenment is not an attainment to be proud of. You
just know that you are very lucky to have found freedom,
you know that you could have missed it. Truth is never an
achievement, it has always been there, it is just that
now your eyes are open to it. Enlightenment is a deep
understanding, it is not an ego thing at all.
Understanding is possible thanks to our intelligent
nature, it is not my or your accomplishment. What have
you attained? It's more like you've given away that which
was never yours!
To be enlightened means that you know truth. It means
that you know your true identity, which is not an
identity as such, because truth is universal, not
personal. The joke of enlightenment is that you are not
an enlightened person. There is enlightenment when, as a
person, you are gone... There is realization, but not a
realized person. Why? Because the whole idea of 'I, a
separate person' has disappeared. Of course, you live
your life as an individual, as an undivided being, but
now you understand your absolute nature. You know that
you are absolute consciousness, not a separate being, not
separate consciousness.
Enlightenment means that truth has become so close and
familiar that it is now your residency. And whatever
happens in your life, you will not leave your wall-free
home.
----------------------------------------------------
from the archives: http://www.nonduality.com/hl736.htm
Michael Lovell:
a quote from Nisargatatta Maharish that resonates here.
"Enlightenment is when the connection between the
Witness and the
personality snaps."
love all
michael
Here are the top ten reasons
"why we need to be enlightened"
1) Because it give us a reason to smile in the morning.
2) Because it is better for self-esteem than being
deluded.
3) Because it's always good for a laugh at parties.
4) Because knowing that I'm not yet enlightened
is a good explanation for doing stupid things,
and for persistent, nagging self-doubt.
5) Because it allows people like U.G. and you
to have something to rant about.
6) Because it has a catchier sound than saying
"I need to be endarkened."
7) Because it gives a focus for an otherwise
absurd existence.
8) Because it gives absurdity to an otherwise
mundane existence.
9) Because it has a lofty, supernatural feeling
that makes the imagination of poets
and artists soar (or perhaps sore --
if you consider many silly New Age
paintings).
10) Because being enlightened never gets old.
With a knowing glint in my eye at all times,
Dan
10 ways to become enlightened. Any of the
10 will work. I'm sure there
will be many more lists!!
1. Eat only brown rice or clear soup.
2. Sit no more than 17.5 ft. from an enlightened entity
every
day in satsang for a three 2-week retreats.
3. Have no thoughts about enlightenment.
4. Have no thoughts whose object is "I."
5. Have no thoughts that proceed from an "I."
6. Have no thoughts.
7. Be told by an enlightened entity that you are
enlightened.
8. See that there is no such thing as enlightnment.
9. See that there is no thing.
10. Never use personal pronouns. Say "here,"
"there," "this form," "that
radiance" instead.
Love,
--Greg
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http://www.the7thfire.com/EL/Enlightenment.htm
Nonduality for the People
Knowledge should lead you to that beautiful point of "I don't know"
GETTING BACK TO INNOCENCE
by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
During a lecture in
Los Angeles, someone asked Sri Sri Ravi Shankar to
describe enlightenment. The following was his reply:
Enlightenment is like a joke! It's like a fish searching
for the ocean. Once upon a time, there was a congregation
of fish who got together to discuss who had seen the
ocean. None of them could actually say they had seen the
ocean. Then, one fish said, "I think my
great-grandfather had seen the ocean!" A second fish
said, "Yes, yes. I also heard about this." A
third fish said, "Yes, certainly, his
great-grandfather had seen the ocean." So they built
a huge temple and made a statue of the great-grandfather
of that particular fish. They said, "He had seen the
ocean. He had been connected with the ocean."
Enlightenment is the very core of our being; going into
the core of our self and living our life from there. We
all came into this world gifted with innocence, but
gradually, as we became more intelligent, we lost our
innocence. We were born with silence, and as we grew up,
we lost the silence and were filled with words. We lived
in our hearts, and as time passed, we moved into our
heads. Now the reversal of this journey is enlightenment.
It is the journey from head back to the heart, from
words, back to silence; getting back to our innocence in
spite of our intelligence. Although very simple, this is
a great achievement. Knowledge should lead you to that
beautiful point of "I don't know." The purpose
of knowledge is ignorance. The completion of knowledge
will lead you to amazement and wonder. It makes you aware
of this existence. Mysteries are to be lived, not
understood. One can live life so fully in its
completeness, in its totality. Enlightenment is that
state of being so mature and unshakable by any
circumstance. Come what may, nothing can rob the smile
from your heart. Not identifying with limited boundaries
and feeling "all that exists in this universe
belongs to me," this is enlightenment.
Enlightenment is that state of being so mature and
unshakable by any circumstance. Come what may, nothing
can rob the smile from your heart.
Unenlightenment is easy to define. It is limiting
yourself by saying, "I belong to this particular
place," or "I am from that culture." It's
like children saying, "My dad is better than your
dad," or "My toy is better than your toy."
I think most people around the world are stuck in that
mental age group. Just the toys have changed. Adults say,
"My country is better than your country." A
Christian will say, "The Bible is truth," and a
Hindu will say, "The Vedas are truth. They are very
ancient." Muslims will say, "The Koran is the
last word of God." We attribute glory to something
just because we are from that culture, not for what it
is. If one could take credit for all that exists
throughout the ages and feel as though "It belongs
to me," then that is maturity. "This is my
wealth because I belong to the Divine."
The Divine, according to time and space, gave different
knowledge in different places. One becomes the knower of
the whole universe and sees that, "all the beautiful
flowers are all from my garden." The whole evolution
of man is from being somebody to being nobody, and from
being nobody to being everybody. Have you observed that
young children have that sense of belonging, that
oneness, that innocence? As we grew up we lost that
innocence and became more cunning. The innocence of an
ignorant man has no value, and the cunningness of an
intelligent man also has no value. Enlightenment is a
rare combination of innocence and intelligence. Words to
express and, at the same time, being very silent. In that
state, the mind is fully in the present moment. Whatever
is necessary is revealed to you in such a natural and
spontaneous way. You just sit and the song flows through
you.