A Search in Secret India (Paul Brunton's book) had a profound
influence on me. In it I learned for the first time about Ramana
Maharshi, a great Indian saint and sage. It was as though some
emanation of this saint was projected out of the book to me. For
days and nights after reading about him I could not think of
anything else. I became, as it were, possessed by him. I could
not even talk of anything else. Nothing could distract me from
the idea that I must go and meet this saint. From this time on,
although I ceased to speak too much about it, the whole direction
of my life turned toward India. I had very little money, far too
little to risk going to India, but something pushed me towards
it. I went to the steamship company and booked myself one of the
cheapest cabins on an Indian ship, the S. S. Victoria, sailing
from Genoa to Bombay toward the beginning of October.
In Madras I hired a car, and so anxious was I to arrive in
Tiruvannamalai that I did not go to bed and traveled by night,
arriving about seven o'clock in the morning after driving almost
eleven hours. I was very tired as I got out of the car in a small
square in front of the temple [Arunachaleswara Temple]. The
driver explained he could take me no farther.
I turned toward the hill of Arunachala and hurried in the hot
sun along the dust-covered road to the abode about two miles from
town where the Sage dwelt. As I ran those two miles, deeply
within myself I knew that I was running toward the greatest
experience of my life. When, dazed and filled with emotion, I
first entered the hall, I did not quite know what to do.
Coming from strong sunlight into the somewhat darkened hall,
it was, at first, difficult to see; nevertheless, I perceived
Bhagavan at once, sitting in the Buddha posture on his couch in
the corner.
At the same moment I felt overcome by some strong power in the
hall, as if an invisible wind was pushing violently against me.
For a moment I felt dizzy. Then I recovered myself. I was able to
look around the hall, but my gaze was drawn to Bhagavan, who was
sitting absolutely straight in the Buddha posture looking
directly in front of him. His eyes did not blink or in any way
move. As he sat there he seemed like a statue, and yet something
extraordinary emanated from him. I had a feeling that on some
invisible level I was receiving spiritual shocks from him,
although his gaze was not directed toward me. He did not seem to
be looking at anything, and yet I felt he could see and was
conscious of the whole world.
After I had been sitting several hours in the hall listening
to the mantras of the Indians and the incessant droning of flies,
and lost in a sort of inner world, (a devotee) suggested that I
go and sit near the Maharshi.
I moved near Bhagavan, sitting at his feet and facing him. Not
long after this Bhagavan opened his eyes. He moved his head and
looked directly down at me, his eyes looking into mine. It would
be impossible to describe this moment and I am not going to
attempt it. I can only say that at this second I felt my inner
being raised to a new level - as if, suddenly, my state of
consciousness was lifted to a much higher degree. Perhaps in this
split second I was no longer my human self but THE Self. Then
Bhagavan smiled at me. It seemed to me that I had never before
known what a smile was. I said, "I have come a long way to
see you."
There was silence. I had stupidly brought a piece of paper on
which I had written a number of questions I wanted to ask him. I
fumbled for it in my pocket, but the questions were already
answered by merely being in his presence. There was no need for
questions or answers. Nevertheless, my dull intellect expressed
one. "Tell me, whom shall I follow - what shall I
follow? I have been trying to find this out for years by seeking
in religions, in philosophies, in teachings." Again there
was silence.
After a few minutes, which seemed to me a long time, he spoke.
"You are not telling the truth. You are just using words -
just talking. You know perfectly well whom to follow. Why do you
need me to confirm it?" "You mean I should follow my
inner self?" I asked. "I don't know anything about your
inner self. You should follow THE Self. There is nothing or no
one else to follow."
I asked again, "What about religions, teachers,
gurus?"
"Yes, if they can help in the quest of the Self. But can
they help? Can religion, which teaches you to look outside
yourself, which promises a heaven and a reward outside yourself,
can this help you? It is only by diving deep into the spiritual
Heart that one can find the Self." He placed his right hand
on his right breast and continued, "Here lies the Heart, the
dynamic, spiritual Heart. It is called Hridaya and is located on
the right side of the chest and is clearly visible to the inner
eye of an adept on the spiritual path. Through meditation you can
learn to find the Self in the cave of this Heart."
It is a strange thing but when I was very young, Ignacio
Zuloaga said to me, "All great people function with the
heart." He placed his hand over my physical heart and
continued, "See, here lies the heart. Always remember to
think with it, to feel with it, and above all, to judge with
it." But the Enlightened One raised the counsel to a higher
level. He said, "Find the Self in the real Heart."
Both, just at the right moment in my life, showed me the way.
I definitely saw life differently after I had been in his
presence, a presence that just by merely "being" was
sufficient spiritual nourishment for a lifetime. There was a
change - a transformation of my entire consciousness. And how
could it have been otherwise? I had been in the atmosphere of an
egoless, world-detached, and completely pure being. I sat in the
hall with Bhagavan three days and three nights. Sometimes he
spoke to me; other times he was silent and I did not interrupt
his silence. Often he was in samadhi. I wanted to stay on there
with him but finally he told me that I should go back to America.
He said, "There will be what will be called a 'war', but
which, in reality, will be a great world revolution. Every
country and every person will be touched by it. You must return
to America. Your destiny is not in India at this time."
Before leaving the ashram, Bhagavan gave me some verses he had
selected from the Yoga Vasishta. He said they contained the
essence for the path of a pure life.
"Steady in the state of fullness,
which shines when all desires are given up,
and peaceful in the state of freedom in life,
act playfully in the world, O Raghava!"
"Inwardly free from all desires,
dispassionate and detached, but outwardly active in all
directions,
act playfully in the world, O Raghava!"
"Free from egoism, with mind detached as in sleep,
pure like the sky, ever untainted,
act playfully in the world, O Raghava!"
"Conducting yourself nobly with kindly tenderness,
outwardly conforming to conventions, but inwardly renouncing all,
act playfully in the world, O Raghava!"
"Quite unattached at heart but for all appearance acting
as with attachment,
inwardly cool but outwardly full of fervour,
act playfully in the world, O Raghava!"
I sorrowfully said farewell to Bhagavan. As I was leaving he
said, "You will return here again." I wonder. Since his
physical presence has gone I wonder if I shall. Yet often I feel
the pull of Arunachala as though it were drawing me back. I feel
the pull of that sacred hill of which he was so much a part and
where his mortal body lies buried.
Mercedes de Acosta, Here Lies the Heart
Nisargadatta Maharaj
1. "Go deep into the sense of 'I am'
and you will find.
How do you find a thing you have mislaid or forgotton?
You keep it in your mind until you recall it.
The sense of being, of 'I am' is the first to emerge.
Ask yourself whence it comes,
or just watch it quietly.
When the mind stays in the 'I am', without moving,
you enter a state that cannot be verbalized
but can be experienced.
All you need to do is to try and try again."
2. "I see what you too could see, here and now,
but for the wrong focus of your attention.
You give no attention to your self.
Your mind is all with things, people and ideas,
never with your self.
Bring your self into focus,
become aware of your own existence.
See how you function,
watch the motives and results of your actions.
Study the prison you have built around yourself,
by inadvertence."
3. "We discover it by being earnest,
by searching, inquiring,
questioning daily and hourly,
by giving one's life to this discovery."
4. "Look at the net and its many contradictions.
You do and undo at every step.
You want peace, love, happiness
and work hard to create pain, hatred and war.
You want longevity and overeat,
you want friendship and exploit.
See your net as made of such contradictions
and remove them --
your very seeing will make them go."
5. "How do you go about finding anything?
By keeping your mind and heart on it.
Interest there must be and steady remembrance.
To remember what needs to be remembered
is the secret of success.
You come to it through earnestness"
6. "What is supremely important is to be free
from contradictions:
the goal and the way must not be on different levels;
life and light must not quarrel;
behaviour must not betray belief.
Call it honesty, integrity, wholeness;
you must not go back, undo, uproot,
abandon the conquered ground.
Tenacity of purpose and honesty in pursuit
will bring you to your goal."
7. "Take the first step first.
All blessings come from within. Turn within.
'I am' you know.
Be with it all the time you can spare,
until you revert to it spontaneously.
There is no simpler and easier way."