Issue
# 1583 - NDH - Sunday, October 12, 2003 - Editor: michael
Interviewing
God and the search for truth
In
this issue we daringly went in search of a Supreme Being in
order to ask a few simple questions. Like, what is truth, why are
we here, and what exactly is Red Dye Number 3?
However, before we begin: http://www.reata.org/interview2.html
ApeSheet Interview: God
By Steve Justice
APESHEET:
Wow. Is this really God? I know a lot of people have said
they talk to you all the time, but I don't know of
anybody who has gotten a phone call before. So what's up
God?
GOD: Not much really. I was
watching the Die Hard trilogy with my buddy Gene
Siskel, and he suggested I give you a call. I guess
there's a bunch of crazy stuff going on in the world
right now. I thought maybe I could help.
APESHEET: That's great. I
guess you're talking about the latest so-called Holy War
between the U.S. and the Taliban. So who is right? Is it
the Christians, the Muslim extremists or one of those
more peaceful religions like Buddhism?
GOD: To be honest, I'm kinda
fuzzy on the details. I'm not really much for organized
religion and all that jazz. I gave Moses the Ten
Commandments and that's pretty much my whole philosophy.
And I've been wavering on a few of those. After all, what
does it really hurt to covet your neighbor's wife?
APESHEET: But as long as
civilizations have existed people have been going around
fighting wars and slaughtering each other in your name.
Isn't anyone on the right track?
GOD: Like I said, think Ten
Commandments baby. That's what it's all about. Thou shalt
not kill. Duh.
APESHEET: OK. What about
stealing? You know there's that old thing where people
want to know if it's OK to steal a loaf of bread to feed
your starving family. Would that be an exception?
GOD: Gee that's a tough one.
I never thought about it that way. Stealing is bad. But I
guess everybody has to eat. I'm gonna pass on this one.
APESHEET: But you're God.
You're omnipotent and all that. C'mon. You know the
answer to all these questions.
GOD: Well, maybe I do. But
you people have got to figure some of this stuff out on
your own. I created everything, man. Now the ball's in
your court. Do something with it.
Arthur C. Clarke is known across the
world for his books, television programs, and movies. Free Inquiry Deputy Editor Matt Cherry visited the science
fiction author, who is a member of the International Academy of Humanism, in Sri Lanka, the beautiful tropical island
that has been Clarke's home for nearly four decades. His house,
in the capitol of Columbo, is filled with spectacular wall-sized
NASA photos, reminiscent of some of the shots in his film 2001:
A Space Odyssey. In the personal study where he was
interviewed, Clarke was surrounded by books and signed
photos-ranging from actress Elizabeth Taylor to astronaut Buzz
Aldrin-that reflect Clarke's prominent roles in the very
different worlds of science and entertainment. He talked to Free
Inquiry about mankind, morality, and religion.
FI: Our readers have
some familiarity with your views and in particular your very
strong emphasis on the use of science in understanding the
natural world. But could you say something about your views on
moral issues?
Clarke: One of the
great tragedies of mankind is that morality has been hijacked by
religion. So now people assume that religion and morality have a
necessary connection. But the basis of morality is really very
simple and doesn't require religion at all. It's this:
"Don't do unto anybody else what you wouldn't like to be
done to you." It seems to me that that's all there is to it.
The other issue is, why can't humans
live up to this principle? Why is it that people can't act as
human beings should? I'm appalled by what we all see on the news
every day-massacres, atrocities, injustices, outrages of all
kinds. When I see what's happening, I sometimes wonder if the
human race deserves to survive.
FI: What are your
thoughts regarding the future development of something else
you've often written about - religion?
Clarke: Well, I
suspect that religion is a necessary evil in the childhood of our
particular species. And that's one of the interesting things
about contact with other intelligences: we could see what role,
if any, religion plays in their development. I think that
religion may be some random by-product of mammalian reproduction.
If that's true, would non-mammalian aliens have a religion?
Anyway, that's one of the nice things about the Search for
Extraterrestrial Intelligence (SETI) project; if it is successful, we could
perhaps answer such questions one day. I've just seen Contact, by my late friend Carl Sagan. It's quite an
impressive film that offers hints on this subject.
FI: If religion does
indeed represent an immature stage of humanity, do you see any
prospects for humanity growing up?
Clarke: Yes, there
is the possibility that humankind can outgrown its infantile
tendencies, as I suggested in Childhood's End. But
it is amazing how childishly gullible humans are. There are, for
example, so many different religions - each of them claiming to
have the truth, each saying that their truths are clearly
superior to the truths of others - how can someone possibly take
any of them seriously? I mean, that's insane. And such insanity
concerns me, especially now that waves of lunacy are washing over
the United States and the world in the form of millennial cults. Time magazine recently reported on them. The crazy
thing is, according to traditional Christian dogma, the real
millennium was four years ago, for Jesus was supposedly born
circa 5 B.C.E. - so it's already 2004! Apparently some millennial
nuts are blithely ignoring their own dogma.
FI: Do you see any
value at all in the various religions?
Clarke: Though I
sometimes call myself a crypto-Buddhist, Buddhism is not a
religion. Of those around at the moment, Islam is the only one
that has any appeal to me. But, of course, Islam has been tainted
by other influences. The Muslims are behaving like Christians,
I'm afraid.
FI: What appeals to
you in Islam?
Clarke:
Historically, Islam had a great deal of tolerance for other views
and offered the world its priceless wisdom in the form of
astronomy and algebra. And, as you know, Islam helped rescue
Western civilization from the Dark Ages by preserving classical
texts and transmitting them to the West. We, on the other hand,
burned the library at Alexandria. If Islam hadn't fallen into
internecine warfare and had gone on to conquer the rest of
Europe, we'd have avoided a thousand years of Christian
barbarism.
FI: Your television
series, The Mysterious World of Arthur C. Clarke, is
still a classic. It appeals to the human yearning for mystery but
also shows how to apply some scientific principles to get
answers. Do you feel that the human yearning for unexplained
mysteries will always be greater than the need for scientific
explanation? That is, will people always reject scientific
explanations if they can have an inspiring mystery or wonder?
Clarke: There does
seem to be a tendency to do that. People get very exasperated
when people like James Randi show how some trick is done or
reveal the true, naturalistic explanation. They say, "No,
the trick is really paranormal." How can you argue with
people who want so badly to believe?
Harry Houdini and Arthur Conan Doyle
had a friendly argument about that. Conan Doyle was convinced -
and tried to convince Houdini - that Houdini did his tricks with
supernatural powers. Somewhere I have my door key bent by Uri
Geller. I don't rule out the possibility of all sorts of
remarkable mental powers - there are even things like telekinesis
and so forth. And I'm sure that there are many things we don't
know about. But they've got to be examined skeptically before
they're accepted.
An example is reincarnation, which
everyone in Sri Lanka believes in. An American, Dr. Stevenson,
has done a lot of papers on that, and has produced studies of
about 50 cases that are hard to explain. But the problem with
reincarnation is that it's hard to imagine what the storage
medium for past lives would be. Not to mention the input-output
device. I hesitate to rule it out completely, but I'd need pretty
definite proof.
"Life as
I see It" -
"The "God" Interview
Our Father interviewed by Randy Burns.
January 29, 2002. Somewhere near the beach."
Randy Burns
"Hey, God!" I
yelled, the moment I spotted him. I don't know what came over me,
usually I'm cooler than that. "Over here!" I shouted
again, waving, like he was obligated to notice me. God was bent
over with his backside anchored to a big rock. He was trying to
fix his broken sandal. He looked over once, after I yelled that
second time. He did notice me, but his attention returned to the
sandal. I assumed, as if I were him, that seeing one of his own
creations would be nothing special. An artist gazing at a
painting he'd finished years ago. A songwriter listening to one
of his old songs. Most of the magic would be gone for him, I'm
sure.
If he'd lost interest in this interview, pre-arranged somehow by
Cardinal Blank, so be it. Maybe some time to himself was needed.
Maybe when you're God, that luxury might be a pipe-dream. He'd
promised me though, and I knew he'd keep his word. The Word Of
God. (It doesn't get better than that).
So, here I am, a living writer, and he grants me an interview!
Should've been a career breaker, right? Any questions were cool.
However, he strictly banned pictures. I didn't find out about
that until I tentatively sat down next to him. "And no
written descriptions," he added. "If you try to take my
picture I'll kill you."
Man, oh man, God talking
tough, he meant it too. I didn't expect it. There was no way to
prepare for such an unexpected statement. His general attitude
and personality had a knowledge base unknown to mortals.
"You'd actually kill me
if I tried to take your picture?"
"Like that," he
shot back, snapping his fingers with the answer. This was an odd
cat. Not an ordinary odd cat at all. This was God! A disgruntled,
tired old man with an extremely bad attitude. His face was a
cross between # *%WHACK **%, what the hell? God had given me a
shot across the back of my head! That son of a bitch hurt me...
"I told you no
descriptions!"
"Oh shit," I said,
rubbing my head. "Sorry, I wasn't thinking."
"Well, you'd better
start thinking soon."
Man, I just couldn't believe it. I wasn't afraid of him, not a
bit. Disappointed and disgusted, yes, but the fear of him was
gone.
"A
caveman might have been told by the tribal witch doctor that evil
ancestral spirits will attack if the caveman leaves the cave at
night. If the caveman is motivated by the search for truth, he
may leave the cave at night, and get killed by a nocturnal
carnivore. [...] Seeking truth does not always promote
survival...."
What Brahma
doesn't know
....
The moment
Great Brahma's name was spoken, He appeared with all His glory.
"I am the Great Brahma, the Creator, the Uncreated, the
Knower of All, .....etc.....", Great Brhama spoke. Thrilled
at the sight of Great Brahma, the monk asked his profound
question, "Where does the four great elements cease without
remainder?".
Great Brahma
did not answer. Instead, he said, "I am the Great Brahma,
the Creator, the Uncreated, the Knower of All,
.....etc.....". The monk was a little frustrated, "Yes,
Venerable One, I know you are the Great Brahma, but I came to ask
you this quesn, Where does the four great elements cease without
remainder?". Again, Great Brahma did not answer. Instead He
said, "I am the Great Brahma, the Creator, the Uncreated,
the Knower of All, .....etc....."
image no longer an active link Interview: Jesus says, "I
Quit!" - 04.12.2001 (TFC News) - Today at an emergency press conference
held at 1:30 p.m. EST, Mr. Jesus Christ of Nazareth
announced his intention to leave this planet and make a fresh
start somewhere else. Citing burnout, fatigue and frustration,
Jesus has decided that humans are pretty much a lost cause. It is
believed by many that the continuing skirmishes between groups
such as the Israelis and Palestinians brought an end to the
Messiah's interests here on Earth. It was evident throughout the
press conference that the Prince of Peace was at wits end. The
divine being that has endured thousands of years of man's folly
was bitter and churlish when responding to questions and
eventually vanished without warning, signifying an end to the
proceedings. Here are some excerpts from today's conference.
TFC - Lord, why hast
thou forsaken us? Jesus - Well smartass, go check the news on any
given day and see how many wars and conflicts you can find that
are based on religious intolerance. Northern Ireland, Jerusalem,
East Timor, India/Pakistan, the list goes on and on. The sad part
is that these are only the current stories, I'm sure you're all
familiar with similar situations throughout your recorded
history. Each side claims to worship me in some manner but they
can't find a way to prove their devotion other than killing their
fellow man.
ABC - Sir, what about
the millions of people that actually follow your teachings, what
will become of them? Jesus - You forget that I can see into the minds of
every person drawing a breath at this moment. All of those
millions you speak of are fakes for one simple reason: the Bible
is NOT my word nor that of my father. The Bible was
written by men and through the years, the teachings in the Bible
have been distorted and "interpreted" to the point that
it has lost all of it's original meaning. By the way, how's that
15 year old Vietnamese baby sitter in bed Sam? I can't believe
your wife didn't know that the kids weren't the only "little
ones" the baby sitter was taking care of all this time.
Next!
Fox - Why haven't you
done anything to prevent the status of the world from
degenerating so greatly over the past couple of millennia? Surely
someone with your knowledge and power could've done something to
prevent the wars, the infighting in the churches and other
misunderstandings. Jesus - I didn't want to get involved because I
wanted to believe that you intolerant little jerks could solve
the problems on your own. You know, the whole self-determination
thing. Dad told me it was a mistake but I wouldn't listen to him.
Besides, I allowed you people to staple me to a tree for crying
out loud. What else do I have to do to get your attention?
NBC - So you're just
going to leave us all to the devil? What about the children who
are without blame in this situation? Jesus - You ignorant bastard, there is NO
devil. The devil was invented by shady priests, rabbis and other
holy men as a means to encourage people to do what they wanted.
As nice as Dad and I have been to everyone from the start, do you
honestly think we'd unleash something as horrible as a rogue
angel with a grudge on the world? Come on!
CBS - Well Jesus, even
though you're leaving we've still got God the Father to watch
over us. What does he think of your desertion? Jesus - *laughs* Dad bailed out of here in the
middle of what you call the Crusades. He's been hanging out in
the Andromeda galaxy ever since, watching over some telepathic
slugs on a planet near Alpha Centauri.
the rest of this highly irreverent
interview: link no
longer active
Please
note:
no
Supreme Beings,
Divine
Entities,
or
Their Avatars
were
harmed during the production of this issue.
Nor,
does this issue contain any Red Dye Number 3.
"Life as
I see It" - 